Merry go round

There are these moments throughout the day of being a mom that you feel like you are "outside yourself". I recently had this type of day. I was constantly on the move, between one kid wetting their pants, another with a diaper explosion and then, oh there goes the other missing altogether. And when not dealing with the "output" we are dealing with someone crying or fighting or being whiny until mom separates, cuddles, or picks them up. Why can't they just learn to play on their own. Do I not allow them to learn this? Tom has to sleep so the kids can't be loud. I can't afford to move us to a bigger house to keep them away from him. I can't leave everyday or the chores never get finished. If it doesn't stop raining they can't go outside without dragging in more mud than I thought existed. And then of course after all this chasing, fixing, cleaning up, changing, more changing, fighting them to eat healthy and then realizing it is time to eat dinner and I did not even realize until this second! So, now we are having a quick microwave type meal, then onto a horrible bath time, kids stalling and "oh my goodness please just go to bed" moment!!! And after they are all in bed I sit down and cry, wondering why doesn't my dream of being the "perfect mom" happen. I have so much to do, and as much as I want to believe all the people who say cleaning can wait, I just can't. I want to at least have some clean dishes, laundry folded, something. I feel like I am stuck on this merry go round that just won't stop for me to be able to make any progress! I know it is just a stage, and I know having 3 babies is crazy to even be able to function, but I just can't help that very strong piece of me that just needs to live in an organized hosue. Not perfect, but more functional than this. Maybe tomorrow it will be different. Maybe tomorrow "tinkerbell" will spray her fairy dust and the kids will play happily on their own! If not tomorrow, someday....